Five Pairs of Shoes

They came from me.

From their first moment of existence, they were not just in my body but in my heart.

I was the first to feel them move – butterfly kisses as they rolled around in my belly.

They were real to me while they were just an idea of a possibility to everyone else.

Eventually, I had to share them with the world and the reality of them became more concrete.

I wiped every tear, cooed to them as they nursed and kissed every boo-boo (except their stinky feet)

They were my world

As they grew into themselves they also grew into the world – I no longer knew every experience they had

Whenever they were away from me it was as it part of my heart was out there being exposed to things I couldn’t know

And now they are grown almost ready to leave me and our home.

But even as they work to leave me – as they should – I still know their hearts as they know mine

A mother knows when her children are sad, stressed, overwhelmed, happy or mad

How do we know?

Because they are our heart.

In my front hall, blocking clear entry into my house, sit five pairs of shoes.

I know them well and even cursed their very presence and yet….

If the blue ones are gone I know son#1 is out with friends may be having a drink.

If the light gray ones are missing it means son#2 has walked to work or to the corner store.

If the dark gray ones are gone son#1 is at work.

If the red ones are gone then son#2 is with friends or may be on a date.

If the black and orange ones are missing then son#1 is just hanging with friends playing soccer or some other sport.

Five pairs of shoes block free entry to my home.

And it’s OK.

Because one day they will be gone altogether along with my sons – as it should be.

But for now, it’s OK.

When they leave I won’t know if they are working, playing or out on a date

I will know them more deeply than that information can convey

Because I will always know their hearts.