"I don't know if it really happened that way or not, but I know it to be true". This quote that I picked up from theologian Marcus Borg sums up my faith journey perfectly. It encapsulates my willingness to fall into the unknown requiring no proof, requiring never putting my fingers into the wounds of the risen Jesus, and deciding that it matters not whether Mary was ever touched by a man on earth. I don't know if it really happened that way or not, but I know it to be true.
To me this is the ultimate statement of faith but to others it is insufficient, unsatisfying and brings them a point of frustration seldom seen in other parts of their lives. While I think that I am clarifying how I walk the line between knowing that God is with me and not considering the scriptures as an historical document, they hear that I am choosing to not "take a stand". What I say, what I mean and what they hear are very different things.
I believe that we are all on a journey. I believe that God in infinite wisdom provided us all with different paths to be in relationship with our creator. I believe that telling someone that their faith is wrong or that their way of understanding how Jesus works in their lives (or doesn't) is like telling a Greek person that speaking Greek is wrong. When I look around the earth and witness the great diversity in all of creation, from translucent jelly fish to great whales, from annoying mosquitos to massive polar bears, from domesticated dogs to feral cats I cannot help but think that God has also given us diverse opportunities and ways to connect and speak about our God.
When people talk to me about faith or spirituality they often veer off and begin to speak about religion. I don't think that the three are always necessarily related. Many amazing things are done by people who consider themselves "spiritual but not religious" and many horrible things are perpetrated in the name of religion. So let me clarify.
Religion, I believe, is a man made construct with the ultimate intention of creating a language and a structure in which we can understand and communicate with God. Religious institutions provide us with parameters within which we function and occasionally push back against. They provide us with a community of like minded people who stand for the same things that we do and who hold one another up in times of sorrow and in joy. The language of our services, the ceremony of our liturgies give us something familiar and meaningful as a way of resting ourselves in God.
Conversely, when religious institutions become more clearly defined by what they are opposed to rather than the loving thy neighbour commandment for which they stand terrible consequences come to pass. We have all seen this on various scales, from the declaration of "Jihad" on all inifdels who do not follow the Prophet Mohammed to the declaration that it is God's intention that gay and lesbian people are to be forever damned to hell, institutions can become defined by who they hate rather than who they love.
I have heard all of the arguments. I have heard that more people have been killed by God according to the scriptures than have been taken by the devil. I have heard that it is contradictory to say that we love one another when the book of Leviticus declares that you can stone your wife for infidelity. I have heard that while Jesus declared that we should love our neighbours as ourselves he also said that we should hate our mother and father and follow him. There is no argument that I can hear that I have not heard before. And there is no argument that I can hear that I have not struggled with myself. There is no declaration that we should turn swords into ploughshares or ploughshares into swords that I have not read myself and wondered how to reconcile them.
Discussions about faith often turn to arguments about religion. For some Christians I am not yet "saved" even though I was baptized as a child and lived my whole life as a faithful Anglican. But even the Anglican Church is not without it's dark and shadowy history where you could once "purchase penance" with a larger offering and when our forefathers participated in the patriarchal eradication of culture, language and way of life in the residential schools in Canada.
Given that history, how can I declare myself a faithful Anglican? For the most part, I don't. A strange statement coming from an ordained priest. I do declare myself a faithful Christian and follower of God and it just so happens that the Anglican Church has provided me with the language and liturgies in which to do just that. I believe strongly in the "three legged stool" on which the Anglican Church stands - Scripture, Reason and Tradition. My favourite is "reason" which encourages us, demands us, to struggle and ask questions and not to simply accept what we are told by our faith leaders. In that way, I am very much an Anglican.
Having said all of that, having attempted to clarify my positions, as wishy-washy as they may seem, I go back to my original statement. I don't know if it really happened this way or not, but I know it to be true. In that quote I throw myself into faith, onto the mercy of my creator who is so much bigger, more powerful and omniscient than human language or knowledge can ever articulate or comprehend. We are not called to "know", we are called to faith. And faith is a belief in something that we cannot touch or hold in our hands but that we "know" in our hearts to be true.
If you ever find yourself asking "where is God?" you might consider this answer. God is in the last place you looked. While we sometimes wander away from God, God never leaves us. We only have to look and we will find. In the beauty of creation, in the story from an elderly person from days gone by, in the support from a friend or in the open arms at the doors of a Church. If you're paying attention you will find God. God will be in the last place you looked.
© Tara Livingston, 2013
1 comment:
I am a parisher at Holy Nativity and after reading your blog I look forward to meeting you.
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